taper news

Officially I'm down to 3 x 2 mg of Valium a week, but for the last 7 weeks, my weekly total has been less than 3. There's a certain logic about the mechanics of tapering that presents itself. My plan flowed from the realization that I could break the tablets into quarters. Now I get through most days on a quarter of a 2 mg tablet = .5 mg. 

Breaking the tablet into 4 quarters isn't an exact science, but it doesn't really matter. Because I can't break the quarters into eighths, not that there would be any point to doing so, I can only reduce to 0, from this point. I'm getting there. There have been a couple of days when I forgot to take the quarter but then remembered later. Also, how much is .5 mg going to affect me? Even when I take a whole 2 mg, which I sometimes do, I don't really feel any effect anymore. 

The big thing is sleep. I used to need at least 2 x 2 mg to sleep and that has been steadily reducing until now I take .5 x 2 mg and I don't really need it. I can sleep without it, and soon I will.

dreary night in november

There are actually 3 editions of Frankenstein. There’s the first edition published in 1818, then the revised edition published in 1831, and in between the two there is an 1818 manuscript that Mary Shelley made changes to and gave to a friend in 1823. James Rieger published an edition in 1974 that incorporated all the deletions and additions that Mary made in the 1823 copy. Cancellations are enclosed in angle brackets and additions in square brackets. 

It’s very interesting reading Riegers’ edition along with the 1831 edition. That’s a way of reading all 3 actually, because you’re seeing the additions and cancelations made by the 1823 copy, and the 1818 copy is just that text minus the additions and cancelations. 

synchronicity

A soldier with a broken arm made Bowie stare at the wheels of a Cadillac. It wasn't an intentional reaction. That's just where his eyes fell. 

chordination

When I was learning to play guitar, I didn't think I would ever master transitioning from one chord to another. I always had to stop and move my fingers, then start playing again. How can you even do that? How can you reposition your fingers in zero time? 

But I kept practicing and then one day I had the idea of moving my fingers just before the transition....that's the thing - you have to do something different from what the music seems to require. Drumming is like that, as is singing and playing guitar at the same time. 

That was pretty much it...once I started moving my fingers slightly before the transition, I had it. 

a greater plan

It's weird in a good way, how things work out. In my HSC, English was my worst subject, I didn't do History at all, I did all maths and science subjects, along with English and Economics, I had no interest in doing an arts degree or becoming a teacher, and yet, later on in life, that all changed. I ended up doing an arts degree with a double major in English and History and then doing honors in English. Education became one of the main drivers of my career. I know that somehow things worked out for the best. I wouldn't want any other degree and I think teaching is such a great vocation. 

I see the same thing in my personal life. I have ideas about what I want and what I should do - how things should go - and things unfold in a much better way than I could have planned. A good example is how the challenges of stopping alcohol and tapering off valium have led to positive changes in my life, which can be summarized as a movement away from rumination and withdrawal to action and engagement. 

When things go wrong or you're really struggling the link to positive developments is not clear at all - you just don't see it - but it's real.