academise

There are some academic type books where it's very clear you're reading that kind of book. They are verbose, and with all the words there is a lack of substance. The writer wants to get into the intricacies of their great ideas, and I could be wrong, but it seems like they're more intent on demonstrating their knowledge and intelligence than helping the reader to understand. It becomes so ethereal and sophisticated that it loses all bearing on the real world or any questions that are interesting. It's a performance mainly for the benefit of other academics. 

I have to confess though....the reason I recognize it and hate it so much is because I do it in my academic writing. I want to use language well and sound 'academic' but all that machinery actually obscures the point. It doesn't project the point.

When you read the really great scholars though, it's never like that. Like Harold Bloom for example. There is power and meaning behind his words. He conveys very complex ideas and uses language masterfully, but when you read Bloom, you're always getting something, whether it's just a joke or some new insight into the subject. His work is accessible whatever level you're at. If you're a beginner you will get something from it, and if you're advanced, you will still get something from it. 

That is true genius - that ability to communicate great ideas in a way that people get them. Think of Shakespeare. He wrote 400 years ago and we're still captivated by him, still studying him, reading him and watching his plays. 

the thing

Nothing and no one can stop you from doing what you want, but we place so much importance on other people's response to what we do that we feel like we can't do things unless we're going to make money from them or be critically acclaimed. 

So, the actual activity becomes secondary, and the most important thing is the response, which is crazy. Doing that thing ought to be what it's all about. 

now for something else.

Andy Warhol said: "Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art."

I love that quote and I think it applies to writing as well. I obsess over my writing, wanting to include all the right points in the right order, but I've learnt to just get it done and then move onto the next thing. There are so many things I want to write about, so I end up trying to include a lot of things in each piece, when it's better to express something that embodies the tension between the fullness of the idea and the limits of time and corporality, and complete it and then move on to something else. 

The end of this post but not this blog. 

gimme shelter

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. - Hebrews 12: 7 - 11

The most trying challenges are the ones that you can't see the end of. You can't see a good end. For me it's depression and anxiety. I fall into these nasty vicious cycles. For example, not being able to sleep and depression, and they fuel each other. Earlier in my taper I could say that I was going through this particular challenge because I'm still tapering, and that's probably true. Then, as I continued to taper - once I got down to around 2 x 2 mg of Valium a week - my sleep dramatically improved, and it was so good. But then, a couple of weeks ago, I started having trouble sleeping again, and I'm back in that cycle again. It seems unrelenting. Night after night after night, for weeks, having disturbed sleep and waking up already exhausted and feeling dizzy and disoriented and heavily fatigued all day. 

What I want is relief, but I've learnt that relief is not the answer. The way forward is to achieve a kind of battle-hardenedness, where you're going through all the challenges but you do what you need to do anyway. Your joy returns. Your strength returns. It feels good because your challenges aren't on top of you. You are on top of them. 

scientific fact

The biggest ant is the LFant. 

essense

We have this idea that we're so fragile and under immense pressure and on the verge of breaking, and that's all just a story that we tell ourselves. Your inner self, your soul, your spirit is not just strong, it's unbreakable, unquenchable. 

As Emerson wrote, The soul will not know either deformity or pain.

a kind of hangover

I'm used to building sandcastles right on the edge of the surf and they just get washed away completely, but lately something endures.