forgetting how

I used to sometimes give up. In my desperation to make some kind of meaningful change, I would change my mind about my internal resolutions. It would start off with one thing, and then that would lead to another thing, and another, until I had given up on everything. 

It was pretty destructive really. I noticed that I don't do that any more. I did cross off quite a few of my daily goals recently, because there are a lot in the second half of the list that I just don't get to. They're good things and I want to do them, but they haven't become habits like most of the goals in the first half of my list. So, even when I do get to them, there's something superficial about the way I do them. 

But I noticed a big difference from how I used to be. I stopped! Yeah, I crossed off a few goals, but I didn't keep going and cross off one after another until there was nothing left. 

My daily goals have become part of my life. I feel good about that. Materially and outwardly, I've really been reduced. I feel like trash. But the challenges of recent years, and to some extent the challenges of my whole life, have pushed me to change. So there's like a new life that has sprouted.