ovid

through writing or some other form of artistry, an ordinary person like me can touch immortality

moving on

Tapering off valium has forced me to push myself, because relief is nowhere in sight. There is no escape, no refuge to return to. I've come to like pushing myself, and I like it all the more now that, at this point in my taper, there's a sense in which I can push myself all the way through. 

It's losing its grip on me, and when I push on, I'm not pushing on into further difficulty and heavier storms and never-ending challenge. No, I'm pushing into relief and strength and life. 

so it seems

There wasn't much point in the 'Moms for Liberty' lady appearing on Joy Reid's show. All the right ring commentators are showing the clip and saying, look how right Moms for liberty is and how wrong Joy Reid is, and the left wing commentators are showing the same clip and saying, look how right Joy Reid is and how wrong Moms for Liberty is. 

omniversity

I saw some videos where people were talking about how a carnivore diet is a miracle cure for depression and a lot of other illnesses. Some people really believe in this. It's a mystery to me how anyone can believe that and how people can be getting any positive results like they say they are. 

The idea of just eating meat and nothing else goes against everything I've learnt about nutrition. Fruits and vegetables and other unprocessed or minimally processed foods are SO good for you. If you want to improve your diet cut out things like sugar, gluten, alcohol, caffeine. Worry less about fat and more about sugar. Sugar is the real enemy, not fat as we've been led to believe. All of these diet products are a scam. They take out the fat, which takes out the flavor, and then, to make the foods more palatable, they pump them full of sugar, which is actually worse than fat. 

I seriously don't think there is any down-side to a balanced diet, with minimal take-out, pre-prepared or processed foods, and mostly fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, and some meat or other protein. If you're looking for a solution to depression, anxiety and other illnesses, try eating a healthy diet and exercising. Those things work, and it's not up for debate. Healthy diet, exercise, meaningful activities, spiritual fulfilment, social interaction....all of those things help - more than help. If anything, they are a cure. There is no quick fix, no trick. So, I don't believe it when people say that a carnivore diet or anything else is some kind of 'cure-all'. 

Working through your own recovery process is the cure. And from my experience with medication, especially with valium, I no longer believe that medication is the magic bullet that it's represented as. Especially anything that helps quickly and dramatically, like alcohol and benzos do, is problematic and dangerous. Alcohol nearly killed me, for real. That's not hyperbole. And valium has damaged me. After a few years on valium it no longer helped. I just took it to relieve the symptoms that the valium itself created. Then tapering off it has been a grueling, arduous, years long process that I'm not done with yet. So yeah....I think natural processes and proactively engaging in your own recovery are far, far better than relying on any medication or drug. 

a peer rinse

healing doesn't seem 

like it's happening but it is 

try

Sometimes the exact moment that you stop trying to achieve something, is when it happens. 

monstrosity

In the past I listened and thought about the things that people said to each other about me, and I would believe them. Now I'm trying to choose not to. 

If they have a legitimate criticism of me, I will listen to it and take it on board, but contempt is unanswerable. 

People can think and say what they want about me. Their views belong to them and reflect who they are as much as they say anything about me. 

Maybe they're right. I'm sure that they sincerely hold their view of me. But what am I meant to do with those views? If you see me in a negative light, all I can do is try to be different and show you that I'm not what you think I am, and I will do that, but your negative view of me is yours. 

process

I've stopped uploading designs to redbubble a few times but I always end up going back to it and uploading again, even though I make hardly any money from it, because I've got the process down now so it's really easy and fun. One of my longer term goals is to do more design type stuff - like vector art and lettering with transparent backgrounds - but my process for the moment is basically to upload my digital art as is and put it on products. 

strike 13

Looking back at the year 1984, everything seems so quaint, but the issues raised by Orwell's novel are so much more resonant in today's world than they were in 1984. It's so weird to think about the reality that more time has passed now since 1984 than the period between when Orwell published his novel (1949) and 1984. 

prognosis

Everything has gone badly wrong at every level - the personal, the national and the international. It's irretrievable and things aren't going to end well. 

everyday

You live as if every day was not part of real life.

թուլուն

Paul writes a lot about strength and weakness in his letters. He wrote that, 'when I am weak, then I am strong'. There's a lot to that. It's partly about God's hatred of self-reliance, reliance on our own strength, pride in our own strength. 

It also says something about us and the reality within which we live. It does take strength and courage to live with weakness. When you're strong, everything is easier and when you're not, you have to work harder. You have to be greater. You have to grow. 

stumped

I started reading Stamped From the Beginning by Ibram X Kendi, but I didn't get very far into it. The first section of the book is about Cotton Mather and the Salem witch trials, which to me is fascinating. So, I was kind of disappointed when one of his main points was about how a number of witnesses and accused in the witch trials referred to a 'black man' who presided over black masses. 

Kendi wants to argue that that is an example of racism....that the 'black man' was associated with evil in the minds of the 17th century New England citizens. But I think that's obviously a mistake. What the witnesses were describing was not what we would call a black man. They didn't use that term in the 17th century. When they talked about a 'black man', they weren't referring to someone with dark skin, they were talking about someone who was literally black - not brown or tan or with a different skin color....so they were talking about some kind of demon or even Satan himself. 

We could 'steel man' Kendi's argument by asking why evil is associated with blackness, but it seemed to me that that's not what Kendi is getting at in that first part of his book. He wanted to use the 'black man' that the witch trial witnesses referred to, as an example of racism and I don't think it was racism.....they were not referring to what we would regard as a black man, they were referring to some kind of literally pitch black being who was only a man in appearance.

renovation

The cool thing about the point I'm at now in my taper is that I can envisage the rest of it. I understand the mechanics and I have it planned out. That wasn't the case before. I've always felt at the mercy of this very difficult process. 

Another thing I notice is how I feel. On the one hand there are real and clear indicators that I'm getting through this. I'm coming off valium. I can do a lot of things that I couldn't do. Like going into the shop and buying stuff. I could always do it but it was very challenging. A lot of the challenges just aren't there any more, but they have been replaced by new ones. 

The main thing I have felt from late last year into this year is bewilderment about why I am still struggling so much. It seems like it doesn't get easier, when you would think, if I'm healing, it would get easier. But then today I was thinking that it's good that it's like this - that it's such a struggle - because this is what growing and healing are like. 

Healing is not accompanied by a growing sense of comfort and ease - no, it's more like you have to fight and work hard and give your all, and as you do that you become strong, and stop struggling. It brings to mind the saying that it's always darkest before the dawn. 

Before a breakthrough, you don't feel like you're making progress. You feel like all your efforts are not making any difference and the struggle is endless, and it's continuing that work and continuing to try even though it's hopeless, that manifests a new you.

myth

Reading William Blake's poetry is like the first day at a new job. You don't understand any of the systems and procedures so you have no idea what you're doing. 

values

Romans 5:1 - 5:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

For the believer, everything happens within their relationship with God, and is transformed by that. Everything that happens is a blessing whether, from a human point of view, it's good or bad. Actually the things that seem bad are usually a greater blessing. 

idea log

It was so obviously propaganda, but the characters had a really attractive idealism and ardor about them. They were intellectuals and true believers. 

И☰ɛջqዌ☰И

Wifedom by Anna Funder is part of a new genre that doesn't have a name yet....part memoir, part biography, part social commentary, part literary criticism...a mix of creative writing and non-fiction, about a very niche topic with a very modern take, but not a period piece.