obliquy

i'm learning something – learning to do something – that really makes a huge difference to me. it's not a conscious thing. it's not something i do by effort. but it's something that somehow happens and i'm learning to allow it to happen. i get these feelings of inner tension and it's exhausting because i don't know how to relieve that tension, and it goes on and on. it makes me feel helpless and it's distressing. but somehow now, i'm able to begin to let it go. to just forget it. it's not about effort. when i try to relieve the tension by meditating or whatever, i just end up getting frustrated, because i'm all the more aware of this tension. i become so aware of this tension that i can't relieve and i worry about whether i'm going to be able to sleep and I feel desperate. but then i just gave up and decided to watch tv. and that's when i started to feel better. there's something about just stopping and letting things take their course. it's more restful to the mind sometimes to just let your thoughts flow, than it is to try and stop all the thoughts.

That's one of the lessons of The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. He describes these mindfulness-based techniques that you can practice and you will feel better, but it's crucial that you don't use the techniques to achieve the goal of feeling better. You have to let the techniques take their course and not grasp on to the result you want. You will get the result, but not by seeking it.