gimme shelter

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. - Hebrews 12: 7 - 11

The most trying challenges are the ones that you can't see the end of. You can't see a good end. For me it's depression and anxiety. I fall into these nasty vicious cycles. For example, not being able to sleep and depression, and they fuel each other. Earlier in my taper I could say that I was going through this particular challenge because I'm still tapering, and that's probably true. Then, as I continued to taper - once I got down to around 2 x 2 mg of Valium a week - my sleep dramatically improved, and it was so good. But then, a couple of weeks ago, I started having trouble sleeping again, and I'm back in that cycle again. It seems unrelenting. Night after night after night, for weeks, having disturbed sleep and waking up already exhausted and feeling dizzy and disoriented and heavily fatigued all day. 

What I want is relief, but I've learnt that relief is not the answer. The way forward is to achieve a kind of battle-hardenedness, where you're going through all the challenges but you do what you need to do anyway. Your joy returns. Your strength returns. It feels good because your challenges aren't on top of you. You are on top of them.