close reading

Early on in my studies of English literature, I was never sure, when I had an idea about a poem - about what it meant or what the poet was trying to convey - whether I was right or wrong. But then, after a while, I realized that I could trust my ideas. 

That applies to anyone actually, and when I was tutoring I would tell students that. If you engage with the poem and you get something from it, that insight that you get is real and valid, more often than not. This is the case to varying extents, for all subjects, but especially for English because we each make our own meaning from literature or other kinds of text. In English, there isn't a right and wrong answer the way there is for maths and science. 

History too is malleable in that way. If you read and understand all the materials, and you're able to convey that understanding in your essays, you will do well even if your conclusion is questionable. That's why History essay questions will ask you about a particular issue and you could come down on either side and still do well, because what really matters is your ability to argue the side you choose. 

pov

I felt a bit cheated when I studied creative writing at uni. We did a single module of creative writing in first year English and I did really well. I've never been able to write stories and the beauty of this creative writing module was that they said, it's not about that; it's about playing with language. I found that I was good at that and enjoyed it.

So, I enrolled in a full unit of creative writing in second year, but, in that class, all everyone was talking about was writing stories. I actually failed that course. 

your rules don't apply here

People love to make up rules about how to taper off benzos. One expert says that you shouldn't taper for longer than 2 years. That's based on his experience. That's what he decided to do. That doesn't mean other people should do that. Do what suits you. I've been tapering for four years and I'm just coming to the end now. I only heard that advice after I had been tapering for longer than 2 years, and my response is that I'm working through this as best I can. I didn't really plan my taper in advance; I just thought that I'm going to do it as fast as I can. 

Another extremely common rule is that you have to maintain your dose from day to day. According to this rule, you make a reduction and then every day you take the same dose until you make the next reduction and then you maintain that. Or you make very small reductions each day. But you never, ever increase. Taking a 'rescue dose' would be an absolute disaster and a setback. 'Reinstating' or increasing your dose again to a point you were at previously is a very serious decision and probably not advisable. In my experience, all of that is rubbish. At every stage, before I started to taper and since I've been tapering, my dose went up and down. From day to day and week to week. On stressful days I take more. Some days and weeks I push myself and take a lot less. The key thing is that, overall, the direction has been downward. I have consistently reduced my dose.

There are probably other rules as well. There are others I've heard. Those two are just the ones that I feel strongly about because the first one comes from an 'expert' and the second one is like an article of faith for, I think, most people. I've heard that from so many people including youtubers who I also got some very good practical advice from. It always made me feel like I was failing. But now, because I have succeeded in my taper, I can say for sure, it's not a rule. Stop teaching it as if it's an article of faith. 

Anyone who is tapering, I want to encourage you. You've got this. You're doing it. You are. You really are, and you will get there. You will get to the end. You just have to keep going. It seems to go on forever, but it doesn't. It seems like it's breaking you, but it isn't. 

A good analogy I heard is that it's like chopping down a tree. It's hard work and it takes time, but once the tree starts to fall, that's it. It's no longer hard work. It's done. You just don't need the thing anymore. That can apply to benzos, alcohol, or something else. 

a catchy song

Escape aka The Pina Colada song is a good example of how what is popular in this world doesn't really merit that popularity. Two people cheat on each other, but because they both did it, they decide it's OK. More importantly, the whole experience makes them realize that they should be happy with their relationship because their partner really has everything that they are looking for, so they 'escape' together instead of escaping from each other. 

The problem is that all these things that they realize they both value aren't really a good basis for a healthy relationship - like, alcohol, inactivity, the romanticization of inconvenience, sex, unhealthy food. And we're meant to believe that each of them never knew that the other liked these things. 

It's all about escape and evading any kind of challenge, which is ultimately really boring and empty. 

fr

I'm watching Robert Eggers's Nosferatu and it's good. It's a good horror film but, for me, it's not in the same league as The VVitch, because The VVitch, besides being good, was an intellectual feast. It was like a study of the mechanics of the 17th century witch narrative. It's like Arthur Miller's The Crucible in that sense. 

These two texts bring together historical fact with emotional immediacy in a way that's really compelling. 

art LXVII

how to visit the beach

Probably one of the most important and least understood aspects of enjoying the beach is what happens with your feet, so it is vital to remove your shoes before stepping onto the sand. 

Once you have stepped on the sand....congratulations - you are now at the beach. Move quickly but calmly towards the water. Stop at a point where the incoming and outgoing water just covers your feet. The technical term for this part of the beach is [the] 'swash'. Then, as the water recedes after each wave, scrunch your toes and wiggle your feet from side to side so that your feet sink into the sand. 

That's enough! for now. Future episodes will cover: appropriate attire for the beach, entering the surf, how the beach brings new meaning to the humble sandwich, advanced beach lounging, and so forth.