Changing is not like I expected. I never would have done it. I know that I would have just continued to coast. I think a lot about how weak I am, but I'm actually not weak at all. I just selectively apply criteria that allow me to think that. I look at people doing things in situations I'm not in - like for example, youtubers - and I tell myself that I could never do that. I rehash in my mind all of the ways I've been rejected or humiliated or felt less than, and I measure myself accordingly.
But I've started to think about the ways I have authentically changed and the battles that I have fought and am still fighting, and I see myself in a different light.
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