self fulfilling

We all need God's grace, and we also all need to go through challenges. Both are blessings. 

I have this tendency that is common in people who struggle with depression. I think there's something wrong with me. Then because I think that, it colors my perception of events and it becomes my reality. So, just as an example, say that I have the idea that, when choosing teams for a game, no one is going to pick me because I'm not as good at the game as everyone else. 

There's nothing wrong with that in itself. Who cares? It's not a reflection of my value if I'm not good at some sport or any sport or I'm not smart or good looking or whatever. The problem is, I think that's the case. I think I'm worth less and that there's something wrong with me. So, I'm seeing this act of choosing teams as a judgement of my worth, and that insecurity comes across, and I don't get chosen. No one else cares and because they don't care they get chosen. Or, if they don't get chosen, it's not a big deal. But I see it as confirmation. 

The way I think about myself is constantly being reinforced. When it comes to our sense of self, we're like bats. Bats navigate and hunt their prey by emitting ultrasonic sound waves. How long it takes for the signal to return tells the bat how far away things are. It's pretty amazing. We do something similar. We're constantly sending out signals and situating ourselves by the response we get. Just like with bats, this all happens very fast and it's not something we're fully conscious of. 

When you think there's something wrong with you, you are constantly sending out that signal and people are just relaying it back to you. That's not their judgement necessarily. It's your judgement and you're sending it out to the world and it's being reflected back at you.