the obstacle is the way

There's something to be said for not doing things the easy way. Sometimes we want to do things in a way that avoids all pain as if that's somehow the healthiest or most desirable way. We think that if we experience suffering, there must be something wrong - we think, this can't be the way to do it. 

But some things - some of the processes that we have to go through - are meant to be painful and difficult and to inspire fear in us. Sometimes it's a good thing that no one really understands or knows how to help us. Sometimes it's good when we experience circumstances that we can't cope with. What happens is that we do cope and we connect with something strong within us - something that can cope - a better self. 

I remember a few years ago, struggling with anxiety and depression and at certain times each week it was a bit more intense and unbearable. One afternoon, it was one of those times. Previously I'd made a list of impossibly ambitious goals because I had the thought that God wants to bless me and he's going to do it extravagently and soon. So I wondered, what would that look like? and started writing things down. Things that seemed impossible but they were my dreams. And on this afternoon, I was reading through those goals, and feeling the mental stress that was really challenging, and I was so aware of the difference between my current state and the state I wanted to be in one day - the state I regarded as being blessed. But then it occurred to me that the state I was in at that moment was exactly the preparation necessary to get me to where I wanted to go.