Thursday, June 30, 2022

fearful new life

It's good to keep a record of the progress you're making. I tend to just be focused on the challenges I'm facing and to be blind to my progress, so it's good to consciously record the progress. That way, the progress becomes more real. 

The thing about the challenge is that it doesn't seem to change or get easier, so it doesn't seem like I'm making any progress, but I am, in ways that seem to me to be peripheral to the challenge. And somehow, with time, the challenge dissolves or stops being relevant. 

Embarking on a new life involves facing death, and it's a real death. I think it's because all there is of you at this stage is your old self - or at least that's how it seems. So the birth of your new self feels like death because it is the death of everything you know. It's like actual, physical birth in that sense. All you know is that you are being pulled out of the world and the life you know. You have no idea about the life that awaits you.

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