परिवर्तनहरू

I was looking at the art I made almost exactly a year ago. It was really a token effort - not something I really put my heart into. I just did it to try to get myself to create something. But for months now I've been making art every day. And whether or not it's good art, I'm being creative. It's not a token effort. 

I'm not finishing this year strong. I feel weak, afraid, overwhelmed, compromised. 

But something is happening. I scroll through my social media, and every day I'm pumping out blog posts and Medium articles and art, and I think, this is not the work of who I was before this year. 

So, it's encouraging. Often this year, and even very recently, I have felt defeated, like surely I'm broken now and there's no hope. The struggle seems to go on and on and on, and it seems like the result cannot be good. The result is weakness and breaking down and impairment. 

But then I look at what's actually coming out of this experience, and it's not an expression of weakness or breakdown or impairment. I may be weak and breaking down and impaired at the moment, but at the same time, I see myself changing in positive ways.