being set free still seems like a tragedy to me
i mean for the old me
and it's true that the outlook for the old me is bleak
i'm still held captive by the old stories
i'm glad that this crisis goes on and on maybe indefinitely
because this is the only way i would change
nothing else would motivate this change
there has to be very little hope for my old self
it has to be intolerable to be my old self
it's a process
i keep retreating back to the safety of what i know
and finding no rest there
for moments at a time, i have a sense of hope
i hear the sweet music of freedom and security
it's very quickly drowned out by the blare of fear and rumination and anxiety and depression and despair
it doesn't matter how i feel
my new life is growing
and I'm learning to be my new self
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