so far

It still feels like I have so far to go. 

My awareness is on pushing forward, rather than what I'm pushing into. 

But I have some fleeting sense of what I'm pushing into. I can conceive of it even if I don't feel or perceive it. 

Like, for example, I have a lot of really good self-help/ psychology/ inspirational/ spiritual type books. I know that reading them will help me and I read from them every day. It's that knowing - knowing that they will help and they are helping - rather than the sense that they are actually helping, that keeps me reading them. 

If there was some quick fix, it would be a disaster. This challenging path is the only way. 

But I do have a growing sense of my new life. I know that it's stronger than my old life, even if my old life is still so dominant in me. 

The new life is living and growing. The old life is passing. I'm actively engaging in my recovery, in my weakness.