Sunday, March 19, 2023

the center of the universe

I have endless loops of negative self-talk. I'm always telling myself that people despise me, and maybe I'm right. I can think of lots of evidence that that is the case. It's more likely though, that they just don't care. People are involved in their own dramas. 

I'm learning not to let it bother me as much when people say negative things about me. It's just their opinion, which they are entitled to. 

Someone once explained to me why people like me always think people despise and hate me. It's not personal. People are just automatically responding to the signals I'm projecting. It comes from me. I have the idea that I'm lacking and I'm constantly looking for reassurance and people don't give it to me, so I think it's true. 

We never get the attention we want when we seek attention. I think it's true what the Bible says - you have to give to receive. 

I've always thought a lot about what I can't do. I look at the way other people do things - for example, how they do a certain job - and because I can't do it in the way they do it, I don't think I do it well. 

But when you do something really well, you do it in your own way. Everyone who is really good at anything, has their own unique style. Dickens can't write like Shakespeare. Dostoevsky can't write like Tolstoy. But he doesn't want to. Dostoevsky has no interest in writing like Tolstoy. He's too busy doing his own thing. 

When I discovered Ren, I truly thought, this has just ruined all other music for me, because this is next level. It has redefined what music is. That's true, by the way, but.....after a few people commented on some commonalities between Ren and NF, who I had never heard of, I started listening to NF, and I love NF's music now. 

There's room for all of us. The world has a place for you too. 

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