where I am

In my writing on Medium, I'm facing a similar problem to when I first learned how to write a proper essay, and then I had to try to push my thoughts into that structure. 

I have ideas that I want to write about and I have a lot of thoughts or content related to those ideas, but it's so hard to articulate those thoughts in the right format. The thoughts in our heads seem to us to be structured - they are structured - but that structure is different from the structure of a piece of writing or a speech. 

When I think about something, I don't have to explain the whole context. I know what I know so I don't have to articulate what I know. I can focus on making new connections and forging new neural pathways. But writing for others is completely different. You have to explain everything. You have to really create a full picture. 

Writing this blog is more towards the end of the 'writing for myself' spectrum whereas writing on Medium is more about writing for an audience. So, writing on Medium is harder. But lately writing my blog has also been pretty hard. 

I find that, once I get used to writing in a certain format - whether it be letter writing, writing a blog, writing essays, writing my insights from the Bible - whatever - it becomes easier. I know how to do that thing, so when I sit down to write I just do the thing that I always do. But I also notice that during times of transition in my life, it becomes difficult again. I think that's why it's been hard sometimes lately for me to write my blog. 

I'm changing, so I don't really know the me that is doing the writing. I don't know what he writes or how he writes. Like, I'm literally forming new neural pathways. 

Maybe it's like how, when you're depressed, you slow down, because so much energy is going into the central question of your depression. My writing is slowing down because my brain is forging these new pathways.