there are so many deceptions....'across the universe' by Kurt Cobain, when it's actually by Seether || great version though \\\ then Nirvana's 'heart shaped box' by Lana Del Rey, but it's really by Hayley Richman...again a superb version.
my favourite version of 'heart shaped box' though is the one by Kala Rose.
I keep having to change tactics to keep working on nanowrimo. Like, the other day, I felt like the main theme I had been writing about was becoming kind of exhausted. Then I wrote a bit more about that theme and realised that there was an overlapping theme that was also important. When I say 'important', I mean, in my life. because, that's something else I've found with this project - I'm basically writing about my life.
but then I found that that new theme kind of petered out as well. there's a lot more that I can write about it, but just not yet. I've introduced the theme and, for now, that's all I want to do.
So, then I had another idea about how to proceed. my work is divided into chapters, so I had the idea of working on each chapter separately - reading through the chapter and then adding to it, and doing that for each different chapter. I didn't want to start at chapter 1 though, so I decided to start with chapter 7, which is the final chapter I've worked on, although not the final chapter I have in mind.
Why I say it's not the final chapter I have in mind....I had this idea of structuring my novel around a series of ideas or stages, and I wrote those ideas at the start of the chapter. So, after chapter 7, there are 2 more chapters where I've just written a single word to represent the idea that chapter is going to be about.
as it's developed though, it's been more chronological - each chapter is primarily about a phase in my life and about an idea or movement secondarily, and I've been pretty flexible about the idea aspect.
before I started working on each chapter separately, I moved 1 or 2 passages around so that it was more chronological....because I've been working on it ad hoc, I've sometimes written something about different stages in my life in the same chapter. I've probably still done that a little bit. After all, I wasn't planning on making it chronological from the start; it's just come out like that, and, for the moment, that's what I'm doing, but I could change again. Like I said, I have to keep changing tactics.
I felt kind of stuck in the last couple of days with nanowrimo. I just felt like - I've been writing all this stuff about the theme that my novel is about, and I'm not that motivated to write more about it, because, as it is - in the form that it's in - it's not that great. I suppose it's interesting. I don't really know. I'm probably not the best judge.
but I thought....I'll just see where I can add a bit more, just to get something written. that's an interesting thing about the way I'm writing this ⇾ I don't pick up from where I left off. I tend to read what I've written and then add stuff in at different points. It's getting a bit confusing though, because I'm forgetting the order of things....not so much the order of things but, what I've written || for example - observations that I've made...when I'm writing, I can't remember whether I made a particular observation before the point that I'm working at or after it....it's all kind of messy, although it's roughly chronological. but yes, I find myself writing something like - X is a recurring theme because it happened then and then, but the problem is the events I'm referring to come later in the story.
anyway, I broke out of being stuck, because I started writing about the same theme I've been sticking to so far, but then I realised there's a big overlap - I realised that there's another major theme infused and intertwined with the theme I've been writing about so far. so it just gives me more to write about. I don't know how I'm going to organise it all or how it's going to come together as a story, but at least I'll be able to keep writing.
I often find it helpful in dealing with my own issues, hearing what people have written or said about dealing with their own issues, even when (maybe especially when) their issues are very different from mine.
encouragement that comes from hearing about someone making progress with issues that are different from yours, is a gentler kind of encouragement. advice that relates directly to the problem is often strangely ineffective or useless, or sometimes overly harsh.
I haven't been writing my blog as much because I've been working on nanowrimo. I'm not on track to meet the goal of 50K words by November 30, but I'm making steady progress and working on my book every day.
It's different from what I've always thought writing a novel would be like. It's more like I'm writing a kind of non-fiction - depicting my life experience and my thoughts about it, but doing it in a way where I feel free to bring things together that weren't together in my actual life and also to introduce elements of stories from sources other than my life ||| but I'm not really doing so much of those more creative things, actually.
especially in this first draft, when my writing really starts to flow, it's because I'm writing very directly about my inner and outer experience. that's why it doesn't feel like I'm writing fiction.
I don't know whether it's convertible into a story/ a novel/ fiction. but I'm encouraged that I've gotten further in writing a novel (what I'm calling a novel) than I ever have before, and, all going well, I will keep going. I might even finish the 50K words by November 30. in any case, I will have a decent draft some time in the next couple of months.
Hopefully I will be able to shape it as a story as I go - I will be able to fictionalise and storify it. that's what I've been consistently trying to do....that's the idea I start with, but, like I said, when I get going and write a few hundred words, what I'm doing is kind of like what I do in my blog ￫ writing what I think and writing about my life.
it's different though, in that it has a structure...there is a kind of arc. my blog posts tend not to be related to each other, but the different parts of the book I'm working on are related to each other.
it's still not really a story, though.
In a way, writing this is like when I was learning to write a proper essay at uni. I was lucky enough to be taught how to write an essay by an especially brilliant linguistics scholar....she really nailed it, and I will never forget what she taught us because, as an arts student, writing essays was one of the main things I did, so I was able to put into practice what she taught us pretty much straight away, and I've been practicing it and teaching it ever since.
but I remember the struggle /// having all my ideas about what I wanted to write about, based on my thinking and research...and my thinking isn't structured like an essay, and it was a struggle to manipulate it into that structure ||| I felt that tension. I still feel it, I think.
and now I have some ideas about how to structure a novel and what a novel is, and I have my ideas about what I want to write about, and I'm producing text, but it's not in a novel form, but that's OK. I keep finding new ways to add to it. I wonder whether what I'm writing is even a novel. I suppose it must be because I'm deliberately conflating and distorting things. I'm using my ability to write in a kind of reflective, thoughtful way add to the text, but I'm cognisant that I'm writing something creative and I can experiment with ways of expressing stuff.
This is one of the underlying principles of novels and other forms of literature - that sometimes we can express truth more clearly by making something up.
but authors do research to write novels. there's a seam of facts running through the composition.
I've written around 1,000 words or so of my novel, which is not too bad. It's day 2 of nanowrimo, so, to be on track, I should have written 3,000 words, but 1,000 words is more than I've ever written of a novel draft.
Something occurred to me as I was writing today, about the way the process of writing has changed dramatically since as recently as the 1980s. \\ because, one of the things I did was to go back to parts I'd already written and add to them. With word processing, writing needn't be a linear process any more. In theory I could develop my novel by expanding on various paragraphs that I've already written. I don't have to pick up from where I left off.
and this makes a big difference to someone like me because I'm always rehearsing conversations and writing projects - going over and over them in my head.
I was just looking at The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath on Amazon, and for some reason the paperback is heaps cheaper than the hardback, but it doesn't come out until December, 2020, and my unconscious reaction is, that's so long away - it may as well be years ||| but then I realised....it's next month // December 2020 is less than a month away now.
I unlocked a badge on the nanowrimo website by updating my progress. also, I'm not as far behind as I thought...according to the website - nanowrimo - I would only need to write another 600 - 700 words to be on track. The ultimate goal is 50,000 words. now that I've logged my progress, I feel more motivated so I might actually write some more and update my progress today....there's just one problem (not that it really matters). I've logged that I've written 1069 words of my novel, but in a way, that's not true because this is a draft. It's very drafty. What I've written may never be part of a novel. but, like I said, it doesn't really matter, and, if anything, it's kind of encouraging....I could write absolutely anything, and log my progress and meet the goal. There's a lot that's exciting about the nanowrimo website actually....it has information about publishing your novel through Kindle Direct Publishing. That's encouraging for me, not because I want to learn about that but because I already know how to do it // I already published a booklet using KDP. But seeing that on the nanowrimo website builds my vision about what's possible.
I just wrote another couple of hundred words, updated my progress, and earned another badge || for updating my progress twice in one day || It gives you a projected date that you will finish based on your progress so far, and adding those couple of hundred words brought my ETA back from February 2021 to January 2021. again, it's very motivating. No, I won't make the official goal of 50K words by November 30, if I keep going at my current rate, but January 2021 is just a couple of months away. When I think of writing a novel, I think of a long term project....like, it's virtually a truism the way that writers say that if they had known how much hard work and dedication it was going to take to write their book, they probably wouldn't have started writing. There's this idea - and it's something I've really built up in my mind - that a novel is like a heavy weight thing. but I haven't even worked that hard on it, and I'm on track to finish in a couple of months or less. Then again, it's a bit distorted // I signed up for nanowrimo on 6 October, and I wasn't strict about waiting until November to start writing...so, I've been working on it for a while. Still, I think I'm going to get more serious about it now, and actually try to write 1 or 2 thousand words a day. And getting started is the hardest part. That's always the case with any kind of writing. Like, when I start a new blog, it's so hard to write that first post, or if I haven't written for a while or if my life circumstances change a lot, it's always hard to write in a condition of newness.
