reality

I still get drawn into vicious cycles. I think, I've got to fight, I've got to struggle, because this is unbearable. And I'm making it unbearable. It's all a big thing in my head. 

Of course, I don't mean that in the dismissive way that people sometimes say it about depression....it's all in your head - it's self-induced - so you can just choose to get over it. 

No, it's a horrible problem, and it's overwhelming and painful and seems intractable. But yes, it's a different kind of fight. You can't reason your way out of it. 

As I've written before, I withdraw into my house of fear and pain and depression and anxiety, and it seems so imposing. I tell myself I'm stuck in there, but I have this hope now, that there is something better, and I have faith that this hope will win, because it's the truth. 

The wonderful thing is that it doesn't depend on me. It doesn't depend on my strength. I'm coming out of this.