Part of depression is the inability to hold onto anything positive or reassuring or helpful or comforting. Healthy thinking takes practice. I think, if all of the things I worry about were somehow fixed, I would still return to depression, because depression isn't really about problems you have. The depression is itself the problem.
I've learnt to think of it in a different way as I've been working through withdrawal. Withdrawal is a profound gift. Anything that really hurts so much that it drives you to change, is a precious gift.
When I wake up and I can't go back to sleep and my mind is in turmoil and overwhelmed with stress - the stress of my own inner drama - I've learnt to not react and think about how awful this is and how I'm stuck in this endless cycle of pain that goes on for years, which keeps me in that cycle. I've learnt to think - no. It's fine. It's good. It's my brain doing what it needs to do. I can just relax and let it do its work.
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