the struggle

Every time I really push, I get burnt. So, my response is to ease up. Obviously I'm pushing too hard. When we feel real pain, we think there must be something wrong. Like, this is not reasonable or normal. We're not meant to push ourselves to the point where we break. But I've been learning that that's exactly what I need to do. 

In this seemingly endless struggle, every time I push myself to a certain point I get basically smacked down. And at first I would ease up. I'm obviously pushing too hard. I need to recalibrate and set a more reasonable goal. But this is going to drag on forever, and it can't. I need to beat this, which means going through pain.

I'm learning and changing. Before, when I pushed hard and got knocked down, I fell back and made more reasonable goals. Now when it happens, I set a more ambitious goal. Not at first. At first it's hard to even function. It's literally hard to do even simple things because I'm so consumed and oppressed by this mental struggle. 

But I try. I just make an effort to do at least something towards my daily goals. And that changes me somehow. It makes me feel different. Then when I feel different, I see things differently. 

Just being able to feel better for a short period of time is a huge victory.