thresholds

Why do I have faith? Because there is an absolutely awesome plan that is being worked out in my life through the most difficult of circumstances. 

It's more than just looking on the bright side. It's not saying, 'well this is unfortunate, but I'm going to make the best of it'. It's something of a different order. 

Sometimes it takes courage to just do ordinary things. It takes courage to go on. It takes what you don't have. But you have to do it. It's a crazy moment. In your mental scheme of things, what you have to do seems impossible. But this time you have to do it. So somehow you do it. It looks like an ordinary thing to everyone else, but from your point of view it seemed impossible. That's strength. That's courage. When you can't do it and you do it anyway. 

I'm always looking for where the relief is going to come from. I'm always thinking about how I'm going to be rescued. I fall apart when things get really bad and lose the ability to cope. But what I've been learning is that I have to cope. Things are going to get really bad. No one will understand or help at least in the way I think I need. I will have to go on and function and do things when I feel completely unable to. 

It's always hard. I'm always looking for an easier way. There are a lot of moments of relief and sprigs of hope that pop up in unlikely ways. There are situations that seem to just contribute to how miserable things are but then you find something hopeful in them.