My taper is an example of that. Yes, my dose goes up and down from day to day and week to week, but the overall trend is downwards, and once I make a cut to the amount I pick up each week from the pharmacy, that's it - I will never again get more than that each week. Now I'm down to 2 x 2 mg a week. That seemed impossible not that long ago, but just taking a step at a time, and continuing to push, that's where I am.
For the last few months, most weeks my weekly dose has been 1.75 x 2 mg, because I take .25 a day. I remember when I was pushing to get down to .25, then I did it one day and after that I did it more days until it became the norm. It's always a barrier that seems really difficult to cross. Taking less than 2 tablets was a barrier, then taking less than 1.75, then taking less than 1.5, and so on. Now that I'm down to .25 a day, to go lower I have to go to zero because it's not practical to break the tablets into smaller than quarters. In any case, how small is a quarter of a 2 mg tablet? Even if I take a full 2 mg these days, I barely feel anything.
For me, Valium long ago ceased to be about dealing with anxiety. It was more about dealing with the symptoms which it itself was manifesting. Taking it was mostly about my need for it.
This month - actually, the very first day of September, I had my first day of no Valium. Then, in the following couple of weeks, I had a few more days of zero. But then I started to really struggle again with sleep and mental health issues. There's always a delayed effect with Valium. After I make a cut I only really feel it a week or two later and sometimes it hits hard. I think that the last few months of 1.25 a week and then cutting down to zero some days, started to take a toll. So, I've been sticking to .25 a night in recent days, but hey - now that I've passed the barrier of having no Valium days, that will soon be the norm.
No comments:
Post a Comment