break

If I didn't self-censor myself so strictly, I could write a couple of books every year. 

It's a characteristic of rumination and depression. I'll have an idea for something to write about, but then, on further thought, there are always reasons why I shouldn't write about it or don't want to write about it. 

Hours can pass like that. 

One of the positive changes that I've made happen this year is that I push myself to make art every day and to write every day or almost every day. I'm not as prolific with writing as I am with art, but I'm getting there. 

There's something about making a conscious decision to create like that that gives you the energy and motivation you need to do it. 

I wasn't able to do that in the past. I was still too captivated by rumination. For example, after falling out of the habit of creating art last year, I wanted to get back into it, so I made an effort to at least create something, but what I made was lame and I knew that it was lame. It only had part of my attention. 

What's happened this year is that I've broken my rumination. Because of the challenges I've been through and I'm still going through, I had to treat my daily goals as a matter of life and death. I read self help books and watch positive videos. I write and read affirmations every day, more on the hard days. In about 8 months I've written more than 400 pages of affirmations. 

I exercise every day. I started with walking, but recently I started running and now I run every day. I have a proper quiet time - reading the Bible, writing my insights and praying - every day, which is something else I had let slip in recent years. I'm eating more and healthier....and I do a lot of other things.