liminal space

The space between being asleep and being awake is a different reality and it doesn't work the way our waking experience works. 

Sometimes I find that it's a restful space. If I can just stay there a bit longer I can get some more sleep. Sometimes that's possible but other times my fully conscious mind steps in with worry and rumination and it's like I'm under attack. I always hope that doesn't happen too early. It's a bummer when it happens at 3 am, because then it becomes a vicious cycle of tiredness and anxiety feeding each other. 

Sometimes it's the opposite. In my semi-awake state, I'm already experiencing stress and fear. What I've learnt though, interestingly, is that getting up and fully waking up actually helps in this case. I feel calm and able to be productive once I get up and get going. 

The mistake that I've often made in the past is to react to that initial turmoil, thinking something like, oh no, here we go, this is never-ending. It starts as soon as I wake and lasts the whole day, and I'm so tired, I just wish I could sleep. That kind of reactive thinking perpetuates the stress because I'm feeding it with fear. 

How I've learnt to react is to welcome it - to understand that every single unpleasant symptom or state of mind is my physiology's way of healing itself. That fraught state of mind that continues into my waking consciousness is my mind doing something. It's processing, and it's healing itself.