how badly?

I think I'm going to be able to write a novel. I've always felt like I couldn't do it. For some reason, when I try to do proper creative writing, the results are absolute trash. 

So, when I've tried to write a novel or even a short story in the past, I always failed. But I think I can approach it like I approach art. I really struggled with art as well, for a while. I just wasn't good at it, and that's very demotivating. What got me making art more consistently was the idea that I just want to do it. I don't care how good it is, I want to do it. 

So, I started making art in my own way, and it's become a habitual thing now. It's possible to stop caring about adhering to received standards and still create work that isn't a complete failure. You forget about the standards, you allow your desire to create to drive your work, and you produce something meaningful. 

As I went, I developed skills and techniques because I kept experimenting. It's all about experimenting and playing. It's not about doing it 'well'. So, I think the same logic can apply to writing a novel. I can do it in my own way, because I want to do it.