Saturday, October 21, 2023

success

I draw a lot of encouragement from St Paul's attitude about rejoicing in weakness. It's reassuring. It gives you a kind of base. The fear, when you're in the midst of weakness and pain and distress and setbacks, is that things are out of control and they're going to get worse and everything is just bad. Paul teaches us that, no, on the contrary, this is good. 

We always want success and comfort and ease. Our culture glorifies youth and strength. One of the vicious cycles I fall into is being very critical of myself because of my struggles with depression and anxiety. And the way forward - the way through it - is to accept the reality of the way things are. Yes, I am depressed and anxious and debilitated by the combination of those things and benzo withdrawal and whatever else, but that's not a catastrophe and it's not a poor reflection on me. 

A lot of the suffering we go through is because we see our trials as meaningless and a complete loss. We think, this is terrible and it's getting worse and I'm breaking down....and we live in a state of 'breaking down' - perpetual crisis - for years. We're actually incredibly strong. We feel weak because we're being tested. Struggling makes you strong. 

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