valley of the shadow

I have a tendency to ruminate and catastrophize, so the outlook always looks bleak, especially times like this....tapering off valium, and it doesn't seem to be getting easier. 

Objectively, I can see real progress. This thought that I'm not getting better/ I'm breaking down/ I'm endlessly depressed is actually just a really old thought. It seems true. 

However, just by continuing I am making progress. For example, I must be becoming less reliant on valium. I lament my slow progress...like, I haven't made a cut in a while...but anyway, I haven't increased my dose, so that's progress. I can think of the intense struggle - with not sleeping well and with anxiety and depression - as work. I'm working hard, and it will pay off. 

Benzo withdrawal is like a marathon, yes, but the beauty of this marathon is that, as you go, you begin to experience relief and freedom.